No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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