Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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