okay pat passed out under dana's car
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
