We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
