So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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