Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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