I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
