Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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