My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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