dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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