you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
