i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
dude. I can hear the air.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
