u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
