Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Mom said you looked used
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
