even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
