my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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