I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
