I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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