also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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