My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
just found out that she named her cat after me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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