We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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