i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
