I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
