are you still at the devil's house?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
