problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
