You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
