good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
