shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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