i will never coherently bang her
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
