Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
