At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
These tits shall not be calmed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
