he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
