im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
