You made me cry and you don't even care
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize