I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
