time to smoke my breakfast
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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