Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize