If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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