He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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