This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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