I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
