The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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