That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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