Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
