I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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