thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize