Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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