We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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