dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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