what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
