Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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