We got so high we made milksteak
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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