Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
