The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
