I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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