what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize