And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
