just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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