Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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