You're so nebulous sometimes
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
