xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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