hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize