Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
