Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i don't like sucking hair
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
