Operation Purity has been aborted
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
