the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
