You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
