theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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