At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
