Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
