Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she told me i tasted like america
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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