I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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