I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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