I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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