just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
